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04.04.2001 Entry: "Why?"

Pondering nights like this I stay up endlessly searching for the answers. I’m ready to move on from all of this. I just want to know why! Why you left me; destroying my life. You were everything to me, everything I dreamed of. Was I not good enough for you? Is he really that better than me? Can he make you smile like I used to? You knew my self-esteem was low. You knew you were everything in the world to me.

That day when I came to see you, I didn’t even exist. I’d never felt so invisible before, like I didn’t matter. All you talked about is how happy you were with out me. I left that Sunday morning saying good-bye with one thing on my mind. Driving home, tears pouring down, I made my decision.

What hurts the most is how you didn’t even care to call me when I got home from the hospital. You acted like I was some kind of idiot making fun of me with no respect for my dying soul. Three empty bottles of aspirin on the floor because of you. All I remember is the pungent pain and fading sirens. Just thinking about it I can still feel my stomach twisting and turning. You knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it and you still walked out the door. All I ask is, "why?"