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04.06.2001 Entry: "Freedom"

It’s finally Friday and I can’t wait to get off of work. Friday always seems to come too late; this week has been so slow. I’m not really looking forward to going home because as soon as I do, I need to be a dad. I know that probably sounds bad like I don’t appreciate being a father. I really do, it’s just this week has been one of those weeks where I just want to give up. Sometimes I just want to run away from everything, especially Chandra. Just like I mentioned the other day, every time I see her or talk to her it stirs up so many emotions inside of me. Sometimes I feel as if I can’t handle it anymore.

If I didn’t have children this whole thing would be a lot easier to deal with. I would have moved to Texas or Salt Lake by now and would be living with family. Starting a new life and enjoying my freedom. I use the word freedom as if I don’t have it. I have physical freedom to do what ever I want. I just don’t have the mental freedom due to my overwhelming emotions. This mental freedom is what I need to move on from all of this.