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06.10.2001 Entry: "As cool as Jonathan and Sonia"

I left off last not sure if I was going to go to the party. Well I did end up taking the kids with Diana and staying for the first hour. Chandra told me the other day that she wasn’t going to the party so that is why I went. As usual she lied to me and they went. I was swimming in the pool with the kids totally enjoying myself and then they show up. I pretty much just swam around with the kids pretending that I didn’t notice them for about ten minutes. I didn’t know what to do so I just got out of the pool, dried off and left, leaving the kids with Chandra.

That ten minutes pretty much killed me inside. Every bit of self-esteem I have built up over the months was gone. There are so many things that happened that just upset me so much. First my own sister likes Chandra and Christian better than she likes me? Geoff my sister’s husband was totally talking to Christian like they were buddies. First thing Geoff did was brought a beer over to Christian and shook his hand. That right there hurt deep because Geoff has never liked me. That’s when I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore and I left.

Everyone at the party knows me and knows what happened. What the hell is wrong with all of them? Everyone is acting like I’m supposed to be ok with all of this. They Know Christian was my really good friend. They know she left me for him so why don’t they get it? Has no one ever been betrayed before? Even my mom went up to Christian and was talking to him at the party.

I have a very good reason for hating him with a passion. First Chandra was sleeping around with Christian for about three months before I found out. During those three months Christian was over at my house about twice a week, hanging out with me. How can anybody live with themselves doing that to someone. Things fit together now that I know what happened. Like them always looking at each other and stuff. All three of us were friends so I didn’t think anything of it.

What really hurts is the night that Chandra never came home. I stayed up all night with Ellbie in my arms in tears. I didn’t know what happened to her so I called Christian and asked if he had seen her. This right here is why I hate him! He told me no, he hadn’t seen her. When really she was right there in his bed sleeping. It took me three weeks of constantly asking who she was going out with every night until I found out who. When I found out it was him it just blew me away. Christian was the last person I ever thought would do something as low as that.

After the party Chandra dropped the kids off at my mom’s house so I could pick them up. The rest of the day has really sucked. Right now I’m more depressed than I was when I took the three bottles of aspirin. The only good thing is I’m stronger than I was back then. Right now as I type this, Ellbie is asleep on my shoulder, that right there is just one of the three things that is keeping me here.

From my moms house Diana, the kids and I all went back to my place. We were there for about 20 min when Sonia, Jonathans girlfriend called saying they were waiting to be let in at the front door. I wasn’t expecting them to come over and I’m really glad they did. The kids had a blast playing with Sonia and Jonathan. They did everything from piggyback rides to tickling, the kids had so much fun. It’s really nice to have friends come over and visit especially when they’re as cool as Jonathan and Sonia.

Well it’s 1:15am and I’m ready to go to bed. I’m just glad tomorrow is a new day.