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10.07.2001 Entry: "Or so it seemed"

Countless nights looking up to the ceiling, contemplating where I went wrong. Endless tears rolling down this frozen face of mine. This emptiness inside has broken me down one too many times. Searching the fading memories that were promised to last forever. Just where did we go wrong, just were did we go wrong?

It was like yesterday we were kissing in the summer rain. Back behind the elementary school where I told you I loved you for the very first time. Every dream, every life of breath, it was all for you.

Dancing under the crimson summer night you looked up to me with those big blue eyes of yours. I whispered those special words to you, kissing you ever so gently on your forehead. I felt closer to you than I ever have and I knew that you and me were meant to be together.

The times have changed and the children are growing up seeing and feeling all of this. I would do anything to bear their pain so they wont suffer from your mistakes. This heartache weakens me to my knees. Sickened and in complete suffering I watch as they learn this hate. I pray to god it’s not too late.

Do you really want them to become everything you feared you would become? I see the repetition day by day and sadness overcomes my frail heart. Why must I live with the guilt that made me who I am today? There was nothing I wanted more than to be everything that you dreamed. Our life together was more than I ever dreamed and life could be, or so it seemed.