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07.19.2002 Entry: "Ranting"

Everything around me is moving in slow motion, like time has stopped and I'm the only one watching. This place I remember the whiteness around me. Like a child I used to be, this was a happy place. Why is it that a pill should determine how I decide to feel today? Am I really not that much in control over my life? What is wrong with me is there anything wrong with me? Why must I have so much hate trapped inside of me? All these people around me acting life there life is so great and their better than me. I can honestly say I hate my job and I dread waking up in the morning. It's funny how I used to be so proud of myself for what I've accomplished in my career. I can honestly say I don’t care about anyone’s computer problems anymore and I’m sick of saying "technical support, how can I help you." It would feel so good just once to say, "technical support, I hate you, die you fricken idiot." I can honestly say the worst job in the world in customer support, maybe telemarketing but I've never done that. I feel bad for those people.

I cant see how anyone can be ok with having to pay child support to a girl that spends her weekends getting drunk and smoking pot. To a girl that lets my 3 and 5 year old walk a mile to 7-11 having to go though two major intersections all by them self. I fear and feel guilty everyday for my three children knowing that their life is going to be harder than mine ever was. What really pisses me off is how my seven year old daughter explained to me how drugs are ok to use as long as your a grown up. What the hell is wrong with all these people? I wish it were legal to kill prostitutes, drug dealers, and alcoholics. I admire extremist groups that are trying to create a better world for us. I believe that America is broken up into two groups. Those who are good people with good hearts and those who are corrupted and evil. And most of America is corrupted; I am embarrassed to associate my self with humans. I have no faith in mankind and mankind has no faith in god. I look forward to the day of the second coming. I have a feeling there will be more Americans in hell that any other country. I think god looks down upon America as nation that has forgotten the ways of the past. The real criminals are not the people on the street; it’s the insurance companies, banks, and other agencies that should be punished.

I've learned that America’s corporate companies are dishonest and will lie and ruin an honest man’s life just to make an extra buck. It’s the working class Americans that get no respect and deserve more pay; they are the backbone of this county. Yet these people don’t have a clue about the real world around them. What you read in newspapers and hear on the news are lies, and any form of news is corrupt. Because corporate America wants ratings, and care more about money than they do about their audience. There is a reason why all the other countries hate America and that is because of our attitude. We are not better than any one person; I have more respect for the honest working factory worker in Indonesia than I do for most people I know, especially here at work. One day I will change the world, one day I will.