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04.24.2003 Entry: "Alone"

Alone, I sit here in this room, in the corner, feeling as if this room could engulf me at anytime. I’ve been gazing out at the dark winter night through a grimy window for over an hour. Yet all I see is a reflection of a man, which I am unworthy to approve of. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this inner turmoil, mitigating my own failures. On nights like this, my soul longs to the night, howling as an animal of the wild.

I’ve searched and searched for solidarity within. Enmity emanates from within, pride has only brought upon the fall of my innocence. With its grasp on my heart, I lost my independence of the world, delivering my freedom to the bondage of man’s judgment. This world shouts loader than the whispering of my own heart. I’ve let the world put value upon my life, stopping my own progression. How I yearn to become as a child again, submissive, meek, and humble.

Posted by sonia marttine @ 04/25/2003 06:49 PM PST