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10.18.2005 Entry: "This very moment"

The sweet taste of milk on my lips, your scent in the air innately bringing me to your every command. My hands between your knees making their way up to you, your cheeks begin to blush as you bite your lip. Kissing the back of your neck I can hear you trying not to giggle.

My arms wrapped around your backside looking ever so passionately into those vulnerable eyes of yours; I cannot hold back anymore. At that very second my mind opens up a whole new reality, a total absoluteness so complex yet so simplistic. For a second envisioning a thousand generations of lovers embraced in the heat of passion and I can see just a glimpse of your own creation only to be drowned by silence.

I find myself with my head on your shoulder whipping tears running down my cheeks. At that precise moment I finally understand and I am not scared to live anymore; I am not afraid to whither away to the soil's embrace.

Now when I look into my children’s eyes I know I will always live through out their creations over generations. Like Autumns wind that carries every fallen leaf to their beginning so the circle can be complete. I find my self like so many others only knowing the branch from which it came. When in time I too will be resting at the foot of my creator to become the the source of energy that I once needed to survive... to be reborn.

It's amazing that we are all the same and all are connected in more ways than can be possibly imagined . We all just want to belong and to be loved. It brings a deep sadness to my heart when I think of all the ones misguided by promises of greatness and of places imagined when heaven is within this very moment.