I’ve been denying it for sometime now. Over the years I have profoundly thought about this predicament and have become quite ashamed of myself. As a heterosexual male I have always felt uncomfortable with this and have a hard time admitting it even to close friends. One thing in life I have learned is that it is healthier to share your insecurities with others than to keep them trapped deep down inside–causing more pain and suffering. Though I believe suffering is innate, and it is something no one can escape. I also believe that suffering produces greatness, that through suffering we enable ourselves to open our hearts and understand others. The key to this tolerance is compassion and without suffering, compassion would be an unreachable by the modern–so called–civilized man.

Back to the problem that has caused immeasurable mortification; countless years of unbearable humiliation. For years I thought this was just an act of selfishness, but I have came to terms with it over the last few months and realize I am perfectly normal. No more will I be ashamed; no more will I deny it when my wife accuses me of using hers. I am not ashamed to tell you, I use women’s deodorant!

My secret with Secret has been silenced for too long. I will not hide anymore or lock the door just to feel that the creamy silk like application of Secrets platinum protection anti-perspirant. Just the smell of the Spring Breeze brings a smile to my face. With its aroma replicating natures early morning dew draped over fields of wildflowers, with just four gentle yet solid strokes my body feels complete. Ready for any unwanted perspiration through out the day.

I’ve found that many men use women’s deodorant and it’s not something to be ashamed of. If it’s something you still feel you need to hide from her, that’s ok. It’s one thing if you enjoy dressing up in your wives/girlfriends underwear while prancing around like a fairy when she is not there, but stealing her deodorant is not something to feel guilty about. You shouldn’t have to lie to the female cashier when you check out at the grocery store. You should tell her the truth by saying something on the lines of: “Yes this deodorant is for me and I’m a manly man!” To emphasize your point you might want to scratch your crotch as you say this.”

If you still feel insecure about your manhood try saying something like: “You know Godzilla’s tail in the movie? That wasn’t really his tail.” saying all of this while making direct eye contact. If all else fails and you still feel the need to prove your manhood. Give her a purple nurple; this is always a good way to show one who is the dominant one. Though it is always best to check your states jurisdiction, some states outlawed the purple nurple. If that is the case another way to show you are the dominant species is to lick the cashiers nose. If you are not familiar with this it is quite simple to accomplish. Simply while checking out lean over to the cashier and lick her nose, if you can, try to suck on it. Nose licking has been used since the days of the Roman Empire and many Middle Eastern countries still use it today to keep their women in place.

Really all I’m trying to say is you should not feel embarrassed that you use women’s deodorant. Many men do and have for the many decades. There are many ways to cover up the fine smell of women’s deodorant. One way is rubbing fresh ground garlic on your armpits, before a date this might be a good thing to do since most women are extremely attracted to the sent of fresh garlic; raw onions can also be used. I’ve always gotten to second base by using this technique on a first date. If you are a man that shaves your armpits regularly, squeezing half of a lemon in each pit will do the trick too.

It’s important to remember that it is perfectly normal to want to smell good. Most people don’t know or cease to remember that men invented makeup and perfume. It was men that prided themselves with their faces painted white and as they pranced around like delicate angels on the ballroom floor trailing the most pleasant scents. Though the heavy perfumes were mainly worn to cover up the wretched stench of the French women they would have to live with. Despite the fact that men usually don’t wear make up anymore, European women still smell vile.

It doesn’t mean you are gay because you care about your hygiene, but you definitely are if you pluck your eyebrows. Just because I don’t want to polish my hands in automotive grease, or because I refuse to smear pine needles under my arms doesn’t mean I’m a fairy princess. It just means I prefer my deodorant to glide on gently instead of it caking on like week-old-frosting.

oblivion77 @ 03:56 AM PST